I am well aware of the fact that everyone doesn't get it or they just aren't ready or need to do some more research. I know that I am powerless over my sponsees and their choices and their level of willingness to choose this life over that one. I know the power of the 'fuck its'. I understand not having faith in the fact that a higher power won't drop me ass.
Knowing all of this does not make it any easier when someone close to me relapses. It doesn't stop the feelings of thinking I could have done something different or more. It doesn't stop me from wanting to hold on to them so tight and so close that they can't go anywhere. I know that I don't have that much power. I know that all I can do is share my experience, strength, and hope, trust that they have their own journey, their own higher power, and surrender.
I am reminded tonight that the way to peace is through willingness, acceptance and surrender. I am grateful for my life, my recovery, and for the amazing people in it.
I feel you, buddy. I am sorry about your friend. You-- I am proud of! :)
ReplyDeleteHUGS...thank you
ReplyDeleteEveryone of us has his/her own path and we must be allowed to experience it.
ReplyDeleteI hate it too. I want to control the world, I don't want anyone to hurt, I want everyone to get it the first time... I want all of this for both selfish and unselfish reasons. I'm glad that God is in my life today, that I'm sober, that I have the belief that God does exist and that the fellowship still surrounds me and believes in the power that AA provides. I'm glad I believe it too.
ReplyDeleteI hope those who I perceive to be doing it wrong, really find God and Grace in all their experiences too! My prayers are with your friends and with you tonight.