Discipline

Topic of tonight's meeting and as always, exactly what I needed to hear.  My sponsor and I laughed out loud when the chair announced it, but so did half the room.  I think it's a topic a lot of us needed to ponder tonight.  The most obvious thing that people talked about tonight was continuing to have discipline in their recovery...continuing to go to meetings, work the steps, call their sponsor, work with others, pray and meditate.

I know for myself, when things start to go good, I think, oh I don't need to pray and mediate today, that meeting really isn't necessary tonight, I'll work on my fourth stop tomorrow.  What I need to remind myself is that things are only on an even keel for me because of all that spiritual ground work I have laid.  It all starts to fall apart pretty fast when I sit back and rest on my laurels. When I don't make that deposit into my spiritual account.  My life is awesome today, not because I run it so great, but because I am doing the things I know I need to do to keep myself in fit spiritual condition. When I stop doing that stuff and start to run on self will it gets all bad in a hot minute.

So, yes, being diligent about my recovery is something I definitely have to stay disciplined about, but my current struggle has been with knowing what the right thing to do is in my situation with my new girl.  I really am in love this one. We are having some issues surrounding other people's opinions, which I would like to say I could care less about, but come on...this alcoholic could have every person in the room like her but one and lose my mind trying to get that person to change their mind. 

Honestly though, I do have some concerns of my own. We are moving at rocket speed, but it feels right.  I am trying very hard not to question it because after carefully and exhaustively checking of my motives, I know I am in it and acting with integrity.  My biggest concern right now is, she has considerably less sobriety than I do.  I do not want to feel like I am responsible for someone else's recovery.  I am worried that I could become a distraction from what's most important, which is recovery.   Or, if it doesn't work out, it would result in her going out.  I am feeling very codependent right now.  I am trying desperately to find the balance between being loving, supportive, and caring and feeling like her success is dependant on me  As I say it I know that I am giving myself way too much power.

As my sponsor tells me almost daily, a job for prayer...