It is now almost 4 am and I cannot sleep...aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!! Tonight bothered me more than I thought. In the moment of sitting with my drunk friend, I was able to find peace by praying every few minutes. I was able to find words to say to her. I was able to stay calm. I felt like I the right thought or action was given to me in the moment. When she left I felt grateful for my life, how it is today and hopeful for her.
Now however, I can't get the thought of her breathe out of my mind. I actually feel like I can still smell it, taste it in my mouth. The stench like having taken a bath in alcohol, cigarettes and vomit, it oozing from every pore. Funny how a smell can trigger a memory. It reminds me of all those morning I woke up so hung over I did not feel alive and didn't want to be. It is bringing back all those mornings of incomprehensible demoralization...what in the hell did I do last night, who did hurt, steal from, lie to, sleep with? I am not feeling right at all right now. My stomach is doing flip flops and my head won't stop spinning.
First of all, kuddos to you for being there for your friend. i havent been in that situation yet, and am honestly unsure how i would handle it. I do know I have troubles being around "drunks" now.
ReplyDeleteI hope you are able to catch some sleep before you start your day.