Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Hangover by Association?

It is now almost 4 am and I cannot sleep...aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!  Tonight bothered me more than I thought.  In the moment of sitting with my drunk friend, I was able to find peace by praying every few minutes.  I was able to find words to say to her.  I was able to stay calm.  I felt like I the right thought or action was given to me in the moment.  When she left I felt grateful for my life, how it is today and hopeful for her.

Now however, I can't get the thought of her breathe out of my mind.  I actually feel like I can still smell it, taste it in my mouth.  The stench like having taken a bath in alcohol, cigarettes and vomit, it oozing from every pore.  Funny how a smell can trigger a memory.  It reminds me of all those morning I woke up so hung over I did not feel alive and didn't want to be.  It is bringing back all those mornings of incomprehensible demoralization...what in the hell did I do last night, who did hurt, steal from, lie to, sleep with?  I am not feeling right at all right now.  My stomach is doing flip flops and my head won't stop spinning.

1 comment:

  1. First of all, kuddos to you for being there for your friend. i havent been in that situation yet, and am honestly unsure how i would handle it. I do know I have troubles being around "drunks" now.

    I hope you are able to catch some sleep before you start your day.