VENTING...In this moment, I hate CPS for doing nothing to help these kids,my lawyer for dragging his feet for the past eight months to get us into mediation to adjust custody, and my ex husband for the damage he is doing to these beautiful, loving,kind children. I am sad for my children that they spoke up, telling the truth about what is going on, and still have to go back there tomorrow. I feel inadequate and ineffective because nothing I am doing seems to be having any positive results.
SOLUTION...Surrender is not throwing your hands in the air, it is doing your part and trusting a power greater than yourself to take care of the outcome. This business with the kids is almost too much to bare at times. These are the moments that I know that I am slipping out of faith and into fear and self will, expecting results on my timeframe, the way I have envisioned them to be. What I know from experience is, when I do what is right in front of me and leave the outcome to the universe to handle, I am always left with a deep sense of peace and am surprised at how I come out on the other side. Rarely is it how I would have planned it, but I am always carried, with results exceeding anything I would have mapped out for myself. I have seen it work with everything from where I would live, my career, money, love, and heartbreak. I know my higher power can be trusted with my children. So, for tonight, surrender it is.
Im sorry you are even dealing with this. Perhaps we have the same lawyer? Mine has dropped off the face of the earth apparently.
ReplyDeleteSometimes you do have to let go or it will eat you alive. I know this all to well and it almost caused me to slip and fall a few times this past year. If you ever need to vent or chat feel free to send me an email.
I'm praying. Those kids are going to stay safe. Do you know why? Because their father is going to do all he can to woo them over to his side. God is working his magic. :) :)
ReplyDeleteMelissa, I do not know how long you've been sober, but the following--you wrote it--is just such 'pure' AA. You wrote:
ReplyDelete"Surrender is not throwing your hands in the air, it is doing your part and trusting a power greater than yourself to take care of the outcome."
Knowing this myself, and after many years of sobriety, it happens that what you wrote here is JUST what I needed to read on this Sunday morning.
What a beautiful 'connection' we all have here--reading your posts makes me sad that I am leaving... :(
PEACE!
Steve E