I so struggle with knowing what the 'right' thing to do is in so many situations. By right, I don't mean by society's judge or those around me, but rather, the action that will bring me the most peace and serenity and leave me feeling like I have acted with integrity.
Have I told my truth? Do I need to tell my truth in the situation? Is this kind? Is it necessary to say everything on my mind or should I say nothing at all?
Important matters and especially matters of the heart can get me spinning for hours on these questions. I feel plagued in a state of permanent pausing. I was once told that pausing can be thought of as the deepest form of acceptance, but doncha know, sometimes I don't want to pause and definitely don't want to accept it. When I am in fear that things aren't going to go my way I want to gain back control and act...fuck the consequences and who gets hurt in the process of my tantrum.
So it comes back to what I really want...peace and serenity. The answer that I have found is to change what I can, accept what I can't change, and seek wisdom to know the difference between these. Usually my head shuts up when I finally get that answer. Unfortunately, I still can't stop myself from saying 'CRAP' when the answer is to just accept it and sit with it.
Today, I am going to accept that the universe has a much better plan for this situation than I do and everything is working out just as it should...but, crap!!