Thursday, August 12, 2010

Neither I, nor this message will self destruct in 10 seconds...

This morning I am choosing to sit my ass down and write this nonsense to the nothingness.  I desperately want to run and find something, anything to get me out of this moment and find some alternate form of current drugs of choice:  food or refusing food, poker, relationships, facebook, isolation and honestly I could probably slide down the scale to "shots, shots, shots, shots", if I really let the self-destruction take over.

What I know today is that I do have a host of positive ways to change my perspective...writing, praying, meditating, talking to others, reading, painting, playing guitar.  The funny thing is, when I actually do these things, I have yet not to feel better afterwards and the great thing is, I don't have all that bullshit, self imposed wreckage to clean up.  The amazing thing to me is that regardless how many times I have seen this to be the case, my first instinct is still to want to 'run'.  As always, the key for me is having the willingness to choose path B...the one filled with positive choices and positive results.

Today, I will take care of what's right in front of me and leave the rest to the's plan for me is always so much more awesome than one I would have created for myself  There will be no self-destructing sorry 'Crazy Me'.

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