Thursday, August 5, 2010

Lesson Learned???

So I totally get that 'it' is about progress, not perfection, but WTF.  How many times do I need to keep repeating the same mistakes and getting similar, if not identical, results before I learn the life lesson the universe is trying so desperately to teach me and decide that I want to try things differently.  My many times as I am willing to face the consequences.   

Whether it be something as simple as putting gas as in my car, or things that are more life changing like continuing in bad relationships or causing myself financial insecurity, or the everyday battle of sitting in my spinning, cotton candy machine, of a head...they all have avoidable consequences, when I make a conscious decision to do something in my own best interest. 

I have learned that I am willing to put up with a lot of consequences and play the victim.  I have also learned that when I am in fear or my life feels unmanageable, my self will takes over and tries to gain some semblance of control,  with more often than not, disastrous results.  I don't want to feel powerless, sadness, anger or discomfort of any kind and will do anything to escape it!!  

There definitely is a different path for me.  In my experience, all it takes is having the willingness to do something different!!  It might be uncomfortable, but when is change not and ultimately if a little discomfort will bring me the peace, serenity, and freedom from bondage I have been so desperately seeking...BRING IT ON!!  For today, I am choosing to sit with my discomfort.  I don't need to run.  I don't need to fix it.  I don't need to punish myself.  I am okay right here, right now...just as I am.  To the guitar... 

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