Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Feeling very lost tonight

Serious case of the fuck its today.  Feeling totally overwhelmed and alone.  My path does not seem clear in the least.  I don't feel like I am getting any insight by doing that next right thing at all.  I am struggling with finding peace and gratitude in my now.  Today I read, prayed and mediated and still willfully chose path B to escape my discomfort, which of course leaves me with all those feelings of guilt and shame.

My options now...continue to act out my self destruction and sit in my self pity or make a conscious choice to do it different.    Turning off this sad sack music will be choice one...Mamma Mia soundtrack, work your magic!


  1. My experience is that if you do the right things, the right things happen. so hang in there and just do your lousy best :)

    I thoroughly recommend brainwashing yourself by repeat play on loop on your ipod of I Need Your Love - Is That True? by Byron Katie if you are struggling to accept life on lifes terms with relationship issues. its the same as AA (well thats how i see it) so no problem for confusing you.

    Good luck and hope you feel better soon :)

  2. Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I am in awe of getting support from a world away. Honestly it should not surprise me though. Since I have come into the rooms of alcoholics anonymous I have been received with open arms and love from people I had only just met. It really is an amazing program, filled amazing people that I have developed relationships with that I wouldn't trade for anything. What a gift.

    Thanks again. I will check out the recommended brainwashing :) Take care my new Irish friend.

  3. I think its just in the weather. Honestly. I just came across your blog and boy can I relate to this post. My Fuck Its have been HORRID this past week. Between work, life, sobriety, work and life again it SUCKS.

  4. Deborah...when I discovered in early sobriety that life still happened I was very disappointed. I really thought quitting drinking would be the magic to solve it all. What a realization to find out that I was the lack of ability to deal with it (life). What a gift the tools that AA has given me deal with that ever exciting ride I call my life and a way to coexist somewhat peacefully with the people in it. Not always perfectly, but better for sure!!
    This too shall pass...