Thursday, September 9, 2010

In all my affairs

So what's the point and how can it make a difference in my life if I I'm not trying my best to practice living by the spiritual principles of honesty, openmindedness, willingness and kindness, on a daily basis, in all that I do.

Today's opportunities to practice and results...

1.  Cut off in traffic dropping the kids off at school...did not react.  My kids did not hear me call them an idiot.  I did not have to flip them off.  I did not have to chase after them.
2.  Confrontation with a coworker...Told my truth, didn't yell or get offensive.  Ignored him unfairly the rest of the day.

3.  Friend hurt my feelings...pretended it didn't happen, fake friendly for the next 20 minutes.  Stupid pride and ego!

4.  My 85 year old regular at work broke up with me...graciously let him do it and didn't have to say WTF...first of all I hung out with you to keep you company and second, I had no interest in you like that weirdo.  You're old and I'm gay!

5.  My son told me on the drive home today that kids were picking on him at school and calling him gay...wanted to turn the car around and make a big scene at school.  Came home, talked about his feelings, and hopefully gave him some positive coping skills.
6.  Kids got up 5 times after I put them in bed...1st time patient.  2nd time patient.  3rd, 4th, 5th time not so patient and kinda mean.
7.  Made contact with someone and practiced not worrying about rejection or expecting a certain outcome
My assessment of the day is that I definitely did not do it perfectly.  The guy at work didn't deserve to be ignored.  My friend could have handled knowing that my feelings were hurt.  I still operate out of reject before rejection.  What I know today is that I will never do it perfect.  The gift is in being aware of my part and trying to do it better next time.  I can usually recognize when I'm not, by the uncomfortable feeling I get.  I never let myself feel that feeling before because I was always trying to escape it.  Today though, I can see my part and I try make any necessary amends, with the promise that I will try to do it better in the future.

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